Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
