I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
