if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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