I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
