we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
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