I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
