Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
