Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
When are your genitals available?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize