i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
