I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
