i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
