I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
