We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
