You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
