I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
You can't motorboat a personality
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
