Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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