Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
