Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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