Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
