so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize