Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
