I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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