Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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