the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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