There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!�
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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