So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
