I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
