Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize