You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
