We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
