my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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