My room smells like vodka and shame
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize