I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
