I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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