I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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