it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
