Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Randomize