I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
