What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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