6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
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