Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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