All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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