My cat gives me a boner
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
