I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
