our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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