he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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