I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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