btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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