My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
