There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Randomize
