Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
You're a disaster
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