first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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