You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
