my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
