i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
She even gives head with a lisp.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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