Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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