She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize