i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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