she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
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