I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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