would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
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