I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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