C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
