He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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