Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
It's shark week go big or go home
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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