I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
So squirting runs in the family.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize