sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
