do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
