So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I want to fling myself into the sun
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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