I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Randomize