Heybabeimwearingurpanties
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
