Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
