So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize