As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
